Bush IS Hitler

Kerry: “Don’t be a Retard Like Our Troops”
October 31, 2006, 9:02 pm
Filed under: John Forbes Ketchup

Finally, “The Man from France” had the courage to say out loud, what everyone else was already thinking; that our troops are retarded homicidal baby-killers. Well he actually said that last part quite some time ago, but I’m sure he means it even more now than ever.

And who would know more about the military than JFK (or Ketchup Man, as his friends call him). After all, he spent almost 4 months in Vietnam committing atrocities, getting injured and earning medals.

Wait a second, I remember finding an old Kerry diary in an antique store right after Dan Rather found those documents about Bush’s National Guard (lack of) Service. Here are some relevant parts:

April 2, 1969
Today my squadron and I burned a village full of civilians to the ground in a manner reminiscent of Genghis Khan. Some might choose to refer to this as an atrocity. I prefer to refer to it as “fun”.

There was a Vietnamese (or “Gook” as I prefer to call them) baby left alive within the village, so I suggested that we barbecue and eat it. This turned out to be the single best order I have yet given while serving in Gookland, for it was delicious (!), reminiscent of veal. For others in this conflict, it may be about staunching the flow of Communism. For me, this conflict is all about eating babies.

April 3, 1969
Last night I was wounded in action by that baby I ate. I was vomiting all night in a manner reminiscent of a sandwich I once ate at the Genghis Cohen Deli. I shall submit a report on the incident demanding my 3rd Purple Heart, and in addition, the Congressional Medal of Honor. Truly that baby had the strength of 10 100 a battalion of men with the amount of vomit and diarrhea it caused as it worked its way through my digestive system. I shall henceforth refer to this as “The Battle of the Big Baby Battalion”, and have already pinned my stained shorts on my chest as a de facto medal. I’m going home.

Well, that PROVES that all military people are homicidal baby-eating retards, doesn’t it!

Amendment? He Don’t Need to Read No Stinking Amendment!
October 31, 2006, 12:03 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Michael J. Fox (better known as Alex P. McFly) admitted on “This Week with George Staphylococcus”, that he hadn’t bothered to read a Missouri Constitutional Amendment before he endorsed it and all things Democrat.

He didn’t NEED to read it! Democrats told him that it was a very nice Constitutional Amendment. And that it was a very good Constitutional Amendment. What more could anyone need to know!

Come on you ReiKKK Winger$, have a heart (I’m obviously asking the impossible)! The man has a disease that has deprived the world of “A Family Ties Reunion”, “Back to the Future 4” and “Teen Wolf 3”! What? You actually want to make him suffer even more by forcing him to read all of the legal mumbo-jumbo in a silly little Constitutional Amendment? What next? Are you going to nail a puppy’s paw to the ground and then criticize it for running in circles, you heartless Nazis?

Right-Wing NJ Court Energizes GOP Base
October 27, 2006, 5:12 pm
Filed under: Republican Dirty Tricks, Uncategorized

The New Jersey State Supreme Court just ordered the Legislature to implement Gay Marriage or its equivalent.

The timing of this ruling is beyond suspicious, coming as it does right before an election where the RepukeliKKKan base had all but deserted them. The Court could have waited until the day after the election, so Nancy Peligrosi and Harry Reid would have been elected and implemented Gay Marriage nationally. But instead, these ReiKKK-Wing hacks in black robes ordered Gay Marriage in a tiny little nothing state like New Jersey, just in time to energize the RepublicaNazi base right before the election!

Hey New Jersey State Supreme Court! How much did KKKarl Rove pay you?

Top 10 Reasons the Religious Right Should Stop Voting Until Jesus Runs
October 21, 2006, 11:35 pm
Filed under: Christians Shouldn't Vote

1) There is not even one Republican that IS Jesus (NOT ONE)!

2) There is not even one Republican that is NAMED Jesus (NOT ONE)!

3) Not only are no Republicans Jesus (or named Jesus), many of them are NOT EVEN PERFECT like Jesus!

4) Not only was Mark Foley (a GAY) not stoned to death by the Republicans, he was allowed to stay in the Party until it became apparent that he was talking dirty to former Pages.

5) The Republicans ALMOST PASSED AN ILLEGAL ALIEN AMNESTY BILL, before the Republicans in the House nixed it and instead passed a (totally illegal and immoral) Border Fence bill building 700 miles of fences, and also employing other high-tech means of border control.

6) The Republicans tried to save Social Security. How dare they! That’s a Democrat program, and should only be touched by Democrat hands.

7) Nancy Pelosi IS JESUS, and will espouse the San Francisco values that Jesus would espouse today (if he were alive), like Gay Marriage, impeachment of George Bush, and surrender to the Religion of Peace.

8) Harry Reid is completely free of ethical scandals, other than that land deal he didn’t report, and that he made $1.1 million off of, while technically not owning the land and not reporting that he sold the land. Like Whitewater, it’s all too complicated for you to care about.

9) The economy appears to be booming, with the Stock Market setting record highs, and unemployment far below the average of the Clinton administration, and not to mention the budget deficit falling to a tiny percentage of GDP. But it’s all smoke and mirrors. You just wait, as soon as the election is over and Democrats take their rightful power, the economy will collapse.

10) If you don’t vote, the Democrats will gain power, and after another 40 years, things will get so bad that you’ll finally be able to elect another “TRUE CONSERVATIVE”.

Where is Bush During Hawaii’s “Katrina”?
October 16, 2006, 10:19 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Dateline: Hawaii, 1 day after their devastating magnitude 6.6 earthquake.

Inspired by Sean Penn, I stowed away on a plane bound for Hawaii disguised as a Muslim Freedom Fighter so nobody would even look at me for fear of an ACLU lawsuit.

In solidarity with my progressive Hawaiian BrothSisters who are currently denied OVER 1000 RIGHTS(!) since Hawaii didn’t pass Gay Marriage, I ate nothing but cubes of C&H sugar that I bought from a Hippie carrying both a “No Nukes” and a “We Support North Korea” sign outside the airport.

When I arrived, I was shocked and horrified at the devestation that I saw. Only one word can describe it, “Awake”! Locals and vacationers alike were all “Awake!

It was far out! Then there are the colors, so bright that I can’t keep my eyes open. Bush is trying to blind me! Aaaaaaah!

Fabio to Help us Seize Back Power!
October 14, 2006, 12:35 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I believe we Democrats have finally found a way to sieze back our rightful Evolution-given power. We’re going to start running pretty candidates!

Think of it! Fabio for President. Matt Damon for VP. Tom Cruise for Secretary of state! Don’t your panties get wet just thinking about it?

How Many More “October Surprises”?
October 11, 2006, 7:28 pm
Filed under: Republican Dirty Tricks, Uncategorized

How many more October Surprises will there be? First Bush gets North Korea to detonate a “nuke”, to remind people how scary the world is (although it’s only scary because of Bush). Then he gets someone to ram a plane into a building in NY to remind people of 9/11. How many more tricks does he have up his sleeve to keep people’s minds off of the real issues: Gay Republicans!

Way to Go, Little Kim!
October 10, 2006, 8:52 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Poor sensitive little Kim was toking his Jong and just Il-lin’, when ReichsFuehrer Bush suddenly called him “Axis, Bold As Evil”. So of course 2 months later he announces he made some nukes. If someone called me that, I’d make nukes faster than you could say, “Two odols of Clispy Flied Dog to go prease.”

Jimmy Carter knew how to deal with sensitive quasi-divine “President for Eternity”s:

One of Carter’s first acts in office was to order the unilateral removal of all nuclear weapons from South Korea. He also announced his intention to remove all US troops from South Korea. During his first month in office he cut the defense budget by $6 Billion” (can’t we make him run again?).

For 30 years after that, North Korea put aside their nukeyuler ambitions until Chimpy McHitler flapped his yap with his hate-speech. Therefore, we should 1) Surrender in Iraq, Afghanistan, Italy, Germany, and Japan, and apologize for imposing Democracy on them at the point of a gun. 2) Unilaterally disband our military and transfer all our nukeyuler weapons to North Korea. 3) Elect Democrats in November (maybe this should have been first).

This would show the world, and North Korea, that they have nothing to fear from us. I’m sure that then, the rest of the world would likewise lay down their arms, and we could all join together to fight the really big problems, like Global Warming etc. (see Bush IS Hitler (part 2) ).

Like the Holocaust, Never Forget Helen Chenoweth
October 3, 2006, 12:37 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today I clicked on a link that, instead of where it was supposed to, took me to the DemocratUnderground’s orgy of Progressive thankfulness that (former ReNaziCant Rep.) Helen Chenoweth died today in a traffic accident. They agree (as do we all) that “The world is a better place without her”, “No tears shed here”, “She was a corporate whore and sell out to big business”, “Ding Dong the wicked witch is dead”, “Good!”, “what a bitch”, “The fishies & the forests are smilin’ tonight!”, and in response to, “wish DUers here had better sense than to gloat”, “You didn’t know the bitch Helen, did you?”

My uncle died in a traffic accident a year ago next week, and my aunt was touch and go for awhile and has to use a walker. My uncle was a Democrat (not sure about the aunt, although she’s KKKristian), so fortunately I wasn’t forced to laugh in my aunt and cousin’s faces with glee and do an Irish Jig on my uncle’s grave during the funeral, that another non-Progressive had bitten the dust (1 down, half the country to go).

Sometimes I lose track… Who’s currently ahead in the race to hate Republicans the most? Is it we Progressives, or the Religion Of Peace?