Filed under: John Forbes Ketchup
Finally, “The Man from France” had the courage to say out loud, what everyone else was already thinking; that our troops are retarded homicidal baby-killers. Well he actually said that last part quite some time ago, but I’m sure he means it even more now than ever.
And who would know more about the military than JFK (or Ketchup Man, as his friends call him). After all, he spent almost 4 months in Vietnam committing atrocities, getting injured and earning medals.
Wait a second, I remember finding an old Kerry diary in an antique store right after Dan Rather found those documents about Bush’s National Guard (lack of) Service. Here are some relevant parts:
April 2, 1969
Today my squadron and I burned a village full of civilians to the ground in a manner reminiscent of Genghis Khan. Some might choose to refer to this as an atrocity. I prefer to refer to it as “fun”.
There was a Vietnamese (or “Gook” as I prefer to call them) baby left alive within the village, so I suggested that we barbecue and eat it. This turned out to be the single best order I have yet given while serving in Gookland, for it was delicious (!), reminiscent of veal. For others in this conflict, it may be about staunching the flow of Communism. For me, this conflict is all about eating babies.
April 3, 1969
Last night I was wounded in action by that baby I ate. I was vomiting all night in a manner reminiscent of a sandwich I once ate at the Genghis Cohen Deli. I shall submit a report on the incident demanding my 3rd Purple Heart, and in addition, the Congressional Medal of Honor. Truly that baby had the strength of
10 100 a battalion of men with the amount of vomit and diarrhea it caused as it worked its way through my digestive system. I shall henceforth refer to this as “The Battle of the Big Baby Battalion”, and have already pinned my stained shorts on my chest as a de facto medal. I’m going home.
Well, that PROVES that all military people are homicidal baby-eating retards, doesn’t it!
Filed under: Uncategorized
Michael J. Fox (better known as Alex P. McFly) admitted on “This Week with George Staphylococcus”, that he hadn’t bothered to read a Missouri Constitutional Amendment before he endorsed it and all things Democrat.
He didn’t NEED to read it! Democrats told him that it was a very nice Constitutional Amendment. And that it was a very good Constitutional Amendment. What more could anyone need to know!
Come on you ReiKKK Winger$, have a heart (I’m obviously asking the impossible)! The man has a disease that has deprived the world of “A Family Ties Reunion”, “Back to the Future 4” and “Teen Wolf 3”! What? You actually want to make him suffer even more by forcing him to read all of the legal mumbo-jumbo in a silly little Constitutional Amendment? What next? Are you going to nail a puppy’s paw to the ground and then criticize it for running in circles, you heartless Nazis?
The New Jersey State Supreme Court just ordered the Legislature to implement Gay Marriage or its equivalent.
The timing of this ruling is beyond suspicious, coming as it does right before an election where the RepukeliKKKan base had all but deserted them. The Court could have waited until the day after the election, so Nancy Peligrosi and Harry Reid would have been elected and implemented Gay Marriage nationally. But instead, these ReiKKK-Wing hacks in black robes ordered Gay Marriage in a tiny little nothing state like New Jersey, just in time to energize the RepublicaNazi base right before the election!
Hey New Jersey State Supreme Court! How much did KKKarl Rove pay you?
Filed under: Christians Shouldn't Vote
1) There is not even one Republican that IS Jesus (NOT ONE)!
2) There is not even one Republican that is NAMED Jesus (NOT ONE)!
3) Not only are no Republicans Jesus (or named Jesus), many of them are NOT EVEN PERFECT like Jesus!
4) Not only was Mark Foley (a GAY) not stoned to death by the Republicans, he was allowed to stay in the Party until it became apparent that he was talking dirty to former Pages.
5) The Republicans ALMOST PASSED AN ILLEGAL ALIEN AMNESTY BILL, before the Republicans in the House nixed it and instead passed a (totally illegal and immoral) Border Fence bill building 700 miles of fences, and also employing other high-tech means of border control.
6) The Republicans tried to save Social Security. How dare they! That’s a Democrat program, and should only be touched by Democrat hands.
7) Nancy Pelosi IS JESUS, and will espouse the San Francisco values that Jesus would espouse today (if he were alive), like Gay Marriage, impeachment of George Bush, and surrender to the Religion of Peace.
8) Harry Reid is completely free of ethical scandals, other than that land deal he didn’t report, and that he made $1.1 million off of, while technically not owning the land and not reporting that he sold the land. Like Whitewater, it’s all too complicated for you to care about.
9) The economy appears to be booming, with the Stock Market setting record highs, and unemployment far below the average of the Clinton administration, and not to mention the budget deficit falling to a tiny percentage of GDP. But it’s all smoke and mirrors. You just wait, as soon as the election is over and Democrats take their rightful power, the economy will collapse.
10) If you don’t vote, the Democrats will gain power, and after another 40 years, things will get so bad that you’ll finally be able to elect another “TRUE CONSERVATIVE”.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Dateline: Hawaii, 1 day after their devastating magnitude 6.6 earthquake.
Inspired by Sean Penn, I stowed away on a plane bound for Hawaii disguised as a Muslim Freedom Fighter so nobody would even look at me for fear of an ACLU lawsuit.
In solidarity with my progressive Hawaiian BrothSisters who are currently denied OVER 1000 RIGHTS(!) since Hawaii didn’t pass Gay Marriage, I ate nothing but cubes of C&H sugar that I bought from a Hippie carrying both a “No Nukes” and a “We Support North Korea” sign outside the airport.
When I arrived, I was shocked and horrified at the devestation that I saw. Only one word can describe it, “Awake”! Locals and vacationers alike were all “Awake“!
It was far out! Then there are the colors, so bright that I can’t keep my eyes open. Bush is trying to blind me! Aaaaaaah!
Filed under: Uncategorized
I believe we Democrats have finally found a way to sieze back our rightful Evolution-given power. We’re going to start running pretty candidates!
Think of it! Fabio for President. Matt Damon for VP. Tom Cruise for Secretary of state! Don’t your panties get wet just thinking about it?
How many more October Surprises will there be? First Bush gets North Korea to detonate a “nuke”, to remind people how scary the world is (although it’s only scary because of Bush). Then he gets someone to ram a plane into a building in NY to remind people of 9/11. How many more tricks does he have up his sleeve to keep people’s minds off of the real issues: Gay Republicans!