Filed under: History of Repukes
Although I do not often trumpet it, I am the holder of 2 PhDs and 3 MAs, all of which are currently in various areas of the field of history.
Recent laughably insane comments on my blog that “the kkk was created by southern liberals, all of which were members of the democratic party” (sic) and “the democrats are the party of teh klan and were the slave owners” (sic) have led me to this attempt to educate the uneducated. So:
Appropriately enough for the upcoming National Day of Guilt and Turkey Genocide (known under the Bush Regime’s Orwellian “newspeak” as “Thanksgiving”), American Imperialism and genocide first started when the “Pilgrim Cru$aders” landed at the Mayflower Hotel in New York on the third Thursday of November several hundred years ago. They immediately started the RepubliKKKan Party, formed a TheoKKKracy, and used an elite group of RepubliKKKans with the shortened name “KKK” to commit genocide against the indigenous African-American people.
This genocide by the RepubliKKKan’s KKK arm continued for several hundred years until the Evil RepubliKKKan Pre$ident George Wallace and his Vi$e-Pre$ident Bull Connor decided that, instead of killing the indigenous African-Americans, the Pilgrim Cru$aders could benefit more by enslaving them and paying them a non-living wage.
But there was a growing group of genuinely good, moral, altruistic, non-judgmental, non-homophobic, right-thinking, caring, sensitive people, many of whom were grandmothers, who called themselves “The Democrats”. The Democrats, led by Abraham Lincoln, arose in great numbers on the East Coast and the West Coast, until finally they had sufficient numbers to stand up to the Evil RepubliKKKans and say, “We are NOT okay with your slavery, your homophobia, and your non-living wages!”
Richard Nixon, then Chief RepubliKKKan, Chief TheoKKKrat, and Pre$ident of the U$$A, told the Democrats, “Screw you! Slavery stays! I’m starting the AmeriKKKan Civil War!”
An entire book could be written about the “AmeriKKKan Civil War” (better known before the rise of Bu$h, as the “Democrat War to free the African-Americans”), and perhaps someday I will be the first to do so. But until then, a brief synopsis must suffice.
The Eastern and Western States, under the leadership of Great Democrat Hero Abraham Lincoln, fought bravely against the Southern and Fly-Over States led by the Evil RepubliKKKan Richard Nixon. Although greatly outnumbered, the Democrats had the force of All Things Good on their side, and ultimately prevailed, thus freeing the indigenous African-Americans from their bondage of non-living wages.
But the victory was not without a terrible cost. 100 million African-Americans were slaughtered by the RepubliKKKans while hopped up on Jim Beam Whiskey as they retreated from the advancing Democrats. So many African-Americans died that the migration of the crows has forever been altered. The crows still to this day expect African-American bodies to always be there, and peck at any African-American they see (the RepubliKKKans would later pass “Jim Beam Crow” laws, segregating African-Americans from whites, ostensibly “to stop the crows from pecking at us”; despicable).
Great Democrat Hero Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by a racist, homophobic RepubliKKKan (is there any other kind?), and was replaced by the greatest man to ever live, Bill Clinton.
Utopia ensued, until Evil RepubliKKKan George WalKKKer Bu$h and his minions at Diebold and the $upreme KKKourt STOLE the elections in 2000, 2002, and 2004.
Fortunately, in 2006, the Democrats have once again prevailed over the forces of Evil, and they will never allow the RepubliKKKans to win an election again.
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