First, sorry I was gone so long, but to paraphrase Justin Timberlake, “I’m bringing the Activismy back.” I’ve been recreating my pivotal role as Protestor #4 during the Seattle WTO Uprising in the movie, “The Battle in Seattle”; an acting performance that is certain to land me an Oscar for Best Performance by a Pre-Operative Transgender Actor. But don’t worry, when I’m hobnobbing with Babs, Sean Penn, George Clooney and Alec Baldwin, I won’t forget about you, the little people. And don’t worry, nothing’s going to change THIS girl, at least until we get an enlightened Progressive government that will finally pay for my gender reassignment surgery. But enough about me, my darlings.
I finally received the Books on Tape version of the “Iraq Study Group Report” and was able to listen to it while riding the bus to the “set” of my latest movie. There are some HUGE surprises inside. First, for those of you who don’t have Oscars, I will explain the background of this. The Iraq Study Group was commissioned by Aaron Spelling shortly before his death, and comprised of really concerned celebrities dedicated to bringing peace to the universe. In an attempt to get Bu$Hitler to listen to it when he had it read to him, it was chaired by the disgraced former ReiKKK-Wing Evangeli$t Jim BaKKKer, along with the $6 million dollar man Lee Majors, and tan guy George Hamilton. Also along for the ride were Lawrence Fishburne (and you wonder why Der Fuehrer is having him arrested for “tax evasion”, hah!), former New Kid on the Block Jordan Knight, little known soul-singer Edwin Starr, bald singer Sinead O’Connor, pianist Leon Russell, former footballer William “The Refrigerator” Perry, actor Rob Lowe, and noted intellectual Jessica Simpson.
Oh dear, I seem to be running out of time tonight… My curtain call is for 9:00 A.M. For my next movie I will have it spelled out that a star of my magnitude DOES NOT WORK BEFORE NOON (and that under protest)! So I will skip to the most GARGANTUNORMOUS surprise in the whole report:
After hearing reports on a daily basis for the last several years about the number of Iraqis killed that day, I naturally assumed that Iraq was a neighborhood in South Central Los Angeles. GUESS WHAT PEOPLE! Iraq is an entirely separate country that isn’t even inside the U$$A! This was a shock to me, even though many of you know that my 2 PhDs and 3 MAs are currently in the field of “Human Geography”, so I can imagine the shock that people like you with less than 2 PhDs (and 3 MAs), and no Oscars must be experiencing.
But do you realize the implications for the Chimpeachment of Bu$HitlerBurton? We all realized he had to go when we thought he had “only” invaded a sovereign NEIGHBORHOOD, but now, BUSH IS AN INTERNATIONAL WAR CRIMINAL!
I’ll see you all at The Hague.
Filed under: Bush IS Hitler
I received this heart-breaking email from a senior citizen the other day, reminding all of us Progressives why it’s so important to vote on Wednesday, November 8th.
Dear Speaks Truth to Chimps,
I am a senior citizen.
During the Clinton Administration I had an extremely good and well paying job.
I took numerous vacations and had several vacation homes.
Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse.
I lost my job.
I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraq War.
I lost my homes.
I lost my health insurance.
As a matter of fact I lost virtually everything and became homeless.
Adding insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like an animal, instead of helping me, they arrested me.
I will do anything that Senator Kerry and Nancy Pelosi want, to ensure that Democrats regain power.
Bush has to go.
Saddam Hussein was found guilty of something or another today, but I ask you, “Who is the REAL criminal?”
Who actually HAS Weapons of Mass Destruction? Bush, that’s who!
Who invaded a Sovereign Nation? Bush, that’s who!
Who killed 500,000 civilians (and counting) in Iraq? Bush, that’s who!
Who committed atrocities at Abu Ghraib? Bush, that’s who!
Who lied to start a war? Bush, that’s who (Bush lied, people died)!
Who spied on his own people? Bush, that’s who (Bush spied, the Statue of Liberty cried)!
Who killed 6 million Zionists in a previous life? Bush, that’s who!
Who stole 2 elections, and then deposed a president who was elected with 100% of the vote (Saddam Hussein)? Bush, that’s who!
Who refuses to pay for my gender reassignment surgery? Bush, that’s who!
So, anyone with half a brain can plainly see that the wrong man was on trial!
Filed under: Bush IS Hitler
Maybe it’s unfair of me to say Bush IS Hitler. Even though Bush was born on the exact day that Hitler died, I’m not 100% sure that Bush is the actual reincarnation of Hitler. There is maybe a 1 in a billion chance that he’s not. And if that’s the case, saying that Bush is Hitler wouldn’t be fair to Hitler.
Don’t get me wrong; Hitler was not a nice guy. There was that whole Jew thing and whatnot.
But consider the singular evil that is Bush:
IraKKK, Afghani$tan, KKKarl Rove, Dead-Eye DicKKK Che$neyburton (who shot a man in Texas just to watch him die), Don Rum$feldeone, Aunt Condaleezamima’s KKKonverted Rice, Hurricane KKKatrina, KKKristian Theocracy, the Theft of 2 EleKKKtion$, Abu Ghraib, the Torture of Innocent Muslim Freedom Fighters, the Torture of Innocent Foo Fighters, Hate Crimes, Haliburton, Global Warming, Racism, Racial Profiling, Prejudice, White People, Homelessness, Divisiveness, Disparity, Disenfranchisement, Disproportionateness, Distemper, Non-Diversity, Non-Inclusiveness, Social Injustice, Insensitivity, the Growing Gap Between the Rich and the Poor, High Gas Prices, No Hate Crimes Legislation, No Free Health Care, No Gay Marriage, and his Refusal to Pay For My Gender Reassignment Surgery!
Maybe someday in the distant future, someone will again say, “So-and-so is Hitler.” But I pray (metaphorically) that nobody will ever have to say, “So-and-so is Bush”!
Filed under: Bush IS Hitler
Bush IS Hitler!
There. I’ve finally gone and said it.
Somone had to say it, and I am proud to be the very first to say it. But I hope I’m not the last.
Perhaps my courage in saying it will give someone else the courage to say it too.
I hope that someone is… you!