First, sorry I was gone so long, but to paraphrase Justin Timberlake, “I’m bringing the Activismy back.” I’ve been recreating my pivotal role as Protestor #4 during the Seattle WTO Uprising in the movie, “The Battle in Seattle”; an acting performance that is certain to land me an Oscar for Best Performance by a Pre-Operative Transgender Actor. But don’t worry, when I’m hobnobbing with Babs, Sean Penn, George Clooney and Alec Baldwin, I won’t forget about you, the little people. And don’t worry, nothing’s going to change THIS girl, at least until we get an enlightened Progressive government that will finally pay for my gender reassignment surgery. But enough about me, my darlings.
I finally received the Books on Tape version of the “Iraq Study Group Report” and was able to listen to it while riding the bus to the “set” of my latest movie. There are some HUGE surprises inside. First, for those of you who don’t have Oscars, I will explain the background of this. The Iraq Study Group was commissioned by Aaron Spelling shortly before his death, and comprised of really concerned celebrities dedicated to bringing peace to the universe. In an attempt to get Bu$Hitler to listen to it when he had it read to him, it was chaired by the disgraced former ReiKKK-Wing Evangeli$t Jim BaKKKer, along with the $6 million dollar man Lee Majors, and tan guy George Hamilton. Also along for the ride were Lawrence Fishburne (and you wonder why Der Fuehrer is having him arrested for “tax evasion”, hah!), former New Kid on the Block Jordan Knight, little known soul-singer Edwin Starr, bald singer Sinead O’Connor, pianist Leon Russell, former footballer William “The Refrigerator” Perry, actor Rob Lowe, and noted intellectual Jessica Simpson.
Oh dear, I seem to be running out of time tonight… My curtain call is for 9:00 A.M. For my next movie I will have it spelled out that a star of my magnitude DOES NOT WORK BEFORE NOON (and that under protest)! So I will skip to the most GARGANTUNORMOUS surprise in the whole report:
After hearing reports on a daily basis for the last several years about the number of Iraqis killed that day, I naturally assumed that Iraq was a neighborhood in South Central Los Angeles. GUESS WHAT PEOPLE! Iraq is an entirely separate country that isn’t even inside the U$$A! This was a shock to me, even though many of you know that my 2 PhDs and 3 MAs are currently in the field of “Human Geography”, so I can imagine the shock that people like you with less than 2 PhDs (and 3 MAs), and no Oscars must be experiencing.
But do you realize the implications for the Chimpeachment of Bu$HitlerBurton? We all realized he had to go when we thought he had “only” invaded a sovereign NEIGHBORHOOD, but now, BUSH IS AN INTERNATIONAL WAR CRIMINAL!
I’ll see you all at The Hague.
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African-American comedian Paul Mooney (never heard of before or after the Dave Chapelle Show until now) told the following joke as part of his response to the Michael “Cosmo Kramer” Richards N-Word incident to illustrate that racial humor CAN be okay, so long as it’s funny:
A little RepubliKKKan child gets a bright idea, smears mud all over his face, runs up to his mother and says, “Looky hear mammy, I is an African-American.” His mother takes one look at him and says, “That’s terrible!” before giving him a spank on the rear and sending him off to see his father. His father takes one look at him and says, “You’re an abomination!” before giving him a spank on the rear and sending him off to see his grandfather. His grandfather sees him and exclaims, “Are you trying to give me a heart-attack, you bastard child!” before giving him a thorough spanking and sending him back to his mother. The mother asks him, “Well, did you learn anything?” And the child says, “Yes I did… I’ve only been an African-American for 5 minutes, and already I hate RepubliKKKans… and Michael Richards, unless he’s a Democrat.”
Issues to discuss:
1) Will the Democrats have the courage to set up a “House Select Humor Committee”, peopled by members of the Congressional Black Caucus, to determine exactly what is, and what is not, funny, and then pass appropriate laws to regulate “comedic” content?
2) Does the patriarchal hierarchy expressed in the “joke” enhance or detract from its “humor”, or does it expose a more sickening message that even the downtrodden Katrina-suffering African-Americans are not immune to the ravages of corrupt racist AmeriKKKan culture?
3) Since he’s African-American, is it possible to force Paul Mooney to reveal the names of the participants in the so-called “joke”, who are all clearly involved in a “Cult of Child Abuse”? Can Janet Reno be brought on board this inquest?
4) Will Kramer apologize to Oprah Winfrey, who has suffered more than all of us?
Bush IS Hitler 